Don't know where to start....

Wow, it has been awhile since I was on here last making an entry....that I really don't know where to start.

I had a friend who I grew up with and I told her that i'm not working anymore that I'm staying at home to take care of Ben...trying to be a good Stay At Home Mom and Wife. She laughed and said I know you, you won't last long. She is right in a way, I have a hard time staying at home. I am a very active person and sitting at home isn't all that I can do. I need to be able to do things...man I wish I had a vehicle. Having only one vehicle sucks! James told me that he wants to take me out tonight just me and him since he knows that I have been cooped up here for a while now. I really appreciate that and when I read that I started crying, because he just might be getting some of my feelings finally. Here lately I have been doing a lot of crying since things haven't been the greatest here. James has been a little snippy, and most of the time it gets directed at me. So maybe this outing will be good for both of us. My sister-in-law has agreed to watch Ben for us so we can have the alone time.

Man I can't believe that Ben is almost a year. My sister-in-law asked what size clothes he is wearing...I had to think about that for a bit. I can't believe he is in 12 month size and that he is almost 12 months. Time has really flown. She also made a comment about her daughter saying the same thing basically. She said that O was holding Ben by his hands as he was standing and she was sitting on the floor basically ready to catch Ben if he fell and she noticed that O looked like a giant compared to Ben. Now O is just 4 almost 5 and it doesn't even feel like it's been that long. I still remember the day that she was born. Other than my kids, she was the first one I have been there for the birth even though I was outside the door when she was born, not in the room. Having a baby, watching a baby...just babies in general are a wonderful gift from God. I applaud those women who give their babies up for adoption. That is a really tough thing to do. I'm not sure I would be able to do it. I have been baby crazy again for quite some time and for a while there I actually thought I was pregnant again. I was excited even though I kept telling myself I couldn't be. When I found out I wasn't, it actually devestated me. Ok enough baby talk it's depressing me again.

Well I am going to go so I can start getting ready....Yeah a night out!