Frustrated

Ok here's the deal, this is going to get nasty if you don't want to read it that's fine I understand...

I spend all day with Ben taking care of him..and James is at work dealing with customers but not dealing with a baby. He comes home from work and right away starts dinner. Now this is at approx 5. Ben wants to spend time with his Daddy since he hasn't seen him all day plus I would like a little break. James gets upset when Ben crawls over to him when he's trying to cook, plus I have to feed Ben his dinner since it's that time and James is cooking. Now don't get me wrong I love my son and I love my husband and I really appreciate the fact that James cooks but he doesn't have to do it right away after coming home. Even then after he has started cooking and he gets a second he goes straight to the computer and when Ben cries..."Ben your ok." Is what Ben and I hear. This has been bugging me for a bit and I have tried to talk about it....but as my husband says about me "it goes in one ear and out the other." Since he claims that I don't care about him since he's sick and he's hurting. I was majorly depressed yesterday that I didn't get much of anything done and all he does is complain about himself, how much he's hurting, the lack of sleep and how I don't care. Then at night Ben woke up screaming...I have no idea why and so I go get him and I couldn't find the bottle to make it for him so I asked James. He grumbles and gets irate because his sleep is being disturbed. He keeps throwing this threat out that he's just going to find some other place to live so he can sleep. That really didn't help my depression, in fact i'm still in that funk a little but this is helping to get it all off my chest. What I can't figure out is how he can say I don't care about him getting sleep when I leave the room to go read out in the living room, or I leave just so he can sleep. I have actually gone out into the living room and used the couch there to sleep just so I can take care of Ben if he wakes up in the middle of the night so he can sleep. James gave me a night out last week and it was great even with me having a reaction. I just want to be able to spend more time with him and ben as a family....plus I would love to spend more time with him alone after Ben goes to bed. I would also love to go to bed one night and not end up crying.

Ok I'm done with my little fit and it feels better to get it off my chest. Sorry about that everyone and I promise you won't see a blog like this again for quite a while. Thanks for making it through this and hearing me out...I just hope my husband doesn't get too upset about this.